In our hurried world, where instant gratification often takes precedence, the virtue of patience is increasingly undervalued. The transformative power of patience in personal growth and mental health is overlooked, but perhaps not surprisingly when technology drives us to seek quick fixes. Have you noticed that despite access to information being virtually instant now, you haven’t actually gained any more time? Labour and time saving devices have not helped either. Has the much lauded air fryer meant that you now take extra time to eat or to relax away from the cooker? In reality, it feels like we have less time today than previous generations. Busyness is seen as a virtue in most Western societies; it affords people status and is worn as a badge of honour. If you dare take time to just sit and be with yourself - something the majority of people never do - you’ll often feel increasing discomfort and quickly start thinking that you should be doing something productive instead. Sam has actually banned me from using the word ‘busy’ when I respond to her asking me how my day has been. I now struggle to summon up alternative words to succinctly explain what the day has been like for me - I’m still busy, but I can see that using the word is lazy and that I might be buying into the notion that being busy is necessary and virtuous. That promised revolution whereby technology would lead to fewer hours at work and much greater leisure time has still not materialised, nor has our ability to use patience and harness its power.
Temporal sovereignty is the concept of reclaiming control over your time, allowing you to align your actions with your values and priorities. In Oliver Burkeman's "Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals", he discusses the finite nature of our lives, emphasising the importance of making conscious choices about how we spend our limited time. With approximately four thousand weeks in an average human lifespan, understanding and practising patience can lead to far more fulfilling and meaningful experiences. Patience encourages mindfulness, allowing us to live in the present moment rather than constantly rushing towards a future we try (and mostly fail) to control. We can learn a lot from mother nature when it comes to patience. She doesn’t insist that a seed immediately becomes a tree or that the lion cub instantly reaches full maturity and chases down its own prey on the savannah. We don’t expect her to and we marvel at the incremental changes; at the growth from playful young cub to mighty king of the jungle. So why do we insist on immediate results and often give up when we haven't become John Constable after watching one YouTube tutorial on painting with watercolours? Patience gives us the time and ability to focus in on the small improvements and to reflect fully upon mistakes such that we might find the lessons and endeavour to learn from them.
Practising patience helps in reducing stress, such a pervasive ailment suffered by so many in our busy, toxic culture. By accepting the natural pace of life, just as mother nature does, we reduce the pressure to achieve immediate results and can relish in the process and those sparkling moments of growth and development. Patience also fosters empathy and understanding, essential for healthy relationships; it is the glue that holds relationships together. Consistent patience in a relationship helps build trust. When partners, family or friends can count on each other to remain calm and understanding during difficult times, it strengthens their bond and trust in one another.
In therapy, patience allows for deeper exploration of issues and a more thorough understanding of self. It encourages clients to have faith in the process, learning to accept that meaningful change often takes time. This is particularly important in addressing deep-seated issues like addiction or childhood trauma, where quick fixes are rarely effective. Like some of my clients, I do sometimes become frustrated by a perceived lack of progress though. I berate myself for not being a more effective counsellor or curse the resistance being offered up by a client. I have to acknowledge these feelings, but then take time to try to better understand what might be going on for them, or me. I sometimes need to bring myself back into a space where I can feel greater compassion again, for the client and for myself. Occupying this space again, I’m able to reflect on the progress made by the client and honour their resistance and the protective function it serves for them. I can allow the celebration of my capabilities as a therapist and the desire I have to continually improve. In this space, I can fully understand and appreciate the patience required to develop and maintain strong therapeutic relationships with my clients. Patience is not only powerful, but essential.
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