On the voyage to become a counsellor, you get to explore lots of theoretical concepts. You are invited to apply these concepts to self and others in order to understand them better and deepen your own levels of awareness. This process helps us to become better counsellors, well that’s the theory at least. The self-analysis is sometimes revealing, but at other times, perhaps when ‘navel gazing fatigue’ has set in, you just can’t see how it applies, don’t care or won't accept the truth of the concept.
I love wrestling with theories; I relish the debate and discussion they inevitably generate. Although trained in Transactional Analysis (TA), I’m not strongly wedded to any particular theoretical approach. There are aspects of script theory within TA I find particularly difficult to stomach, not least the idea that we have essentially created our own life script - which we then go on to enact - by the age of 7. These ‘decisions’ about the world and our place within it are heavily influenced by our primary caregivers and our responses to them. Now, I understand and accept that our environment has a huge impact on our development, but the notion that I might have written the key elements of my own life script by age 7 - a script that has a chosen pay off (ending), one of which is ‘be dead’! - is petrifying and depressing in equal measure. I guess the good news is though, that through uncovering our scripted thoughts and behaviours, we can create new ways of being and can spend more time out of our scripts. Of course, therapy might be necessary for this change to occur, but nonetheless there is hope in contemplating this utopian world of astute self-awareness with everyone happily prancing around transacting from their rational, appropriate-in-the-moment Adult ego states. Keep a close eye out for the Anti-Scripters though, for they are a threat to this utopia.
The Anti-Scripters genuinely believe they have stepped out of their old, self-restricting life scripts, but this is an illusion. In fact, they have just swung from one scripty extreme to another. Take the ‘Please Others’ Anti-Scripter for example. They have spent their life putting the needs and happiness of others ahead of their own; they don’t think of themselves as important enough to entertain any self-indulgent fantasies in which they might ask questions like ‘what do I need?’ and ‘what will make me happy?’, let alone act upon any answers to them. These Anti-Scripters have flipped to become self-obsessed, hedonistic narcissists; they’ve shouted ‘fuck you!’ to pleasing others and engage in destructive and selfish behaviours instead. The prognosis for this Anti-Scripter is not good. Trust me, I know.
The concept of anti-script really struck a chord with me - a chord played with the volume set at 11. It helped explain particular periods in my past, ones which I am not proud of. My egocentric perspective and selfish, pleasure-seeking behaviour hurt people and ultimately caused me tremendous pain. However, understanding this idea has also prompted more self-compassion and, in turn, greater compassion for others. Do be wary of the Anti-Scripters, but don’t ignore or disparage them. Instead, try walking alongside them and offer a helping, guiding hand so that they may then truly step out of their old life scripts.
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